Posts from — April 2009

Prostitution has apparently also been affected by the economic recession.  In a few countries where prostitution is legal, they have responded with their own version of economic stimulus package: rebates, discounts, free shuttle buses, special discounts for seniors and cab drivers, etc.

I found this article on The Independent Online Newspaper about how brothels are trying to do whatever it takes to beat recession.  Amongst their efforts that I mentioned above, some of them also drop their prices and offer all-inclusive flat-rate fees.  Click the link below to read the full article:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/brothels-cut-prices-to-beat-the-recession-1674400.html

Hmm I wonder if they are gonna do the Dollar Menu (like McDonald’s) or Buy 1 and Get the 2nd at Half Price?

I think we all agree that women tend to use these following words too damn often.  It’s like when they say one thing, they expect us to do another.  They also tend to over exaggerate some things and when we respond to them, they’d say we are the ones who over exaggerate.

Damn women…  Can’t live with them, can’t live without them!

1. FINE: They always say this to end an argument when they fight and that means you better shut yourself up.
2. FIVE MINUTES: If she’s getting dressed, it means half an hour.  However, five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before doing some household chores.
3. NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm.  It means something, and you better be on your toes.  Any arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. GO AHEAD: Warning!  This is dare, not a permission.  Don’t do it!
5. LOUD SIGH: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men.  A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing).
6. THAT’S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. It’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. THANKS: A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint.  Just say “You’re welcome.”  (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says “Thanks a  LOT” – which means PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all.  DO NOT say “You’re welcome” because that will bring on a whatever).
8. WHATEVER: It’s a woman way of saying FU*K YOU!
9. DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man  to do several times, but is now doing it herself.  This will later result in a man asking “What’s wrong?”  For the woman’s response refer to #3.
   

My buddy convinced me to see Sex Drive because (he said) it’s R rated, shows a lot of t*ts, and funny as hell.  I knew it wasn’t really right up my alley (haha yeah right!), but I figured I might as well give it a shot since I had been pretty dissappointed with my recent choices of movies lately (i.e. Fast & Furious – pppffftttt!) and I needed to watch something funny and entertaining.

So I ended up getting the unrated version from Netflix. After 1 hour and 48 minutes watching it, these are what I’d like to say about the movies (spoiler alert!!):

• Seth Green was HILLARIOUS!  He was playing as a sardonic Amish farmer who supposedly had been to “the  other side of the world” (for Rumspringer – it’s basically an Amish tradition when one can go wild once a year) and did a lot of wild things  (i.e. yeah, I went to Vegas and did a lot of buttf**king).  Hahahahaa… He was just AWESOME and stole the scenes when on screen.  I couldn’t really stop cracking up everytime he showed up on screen hahahaaaa…
• Too many flashes of shaved black dongs!  I mean seriously, waaayy too many!  And they would show up on screen unexpectedly.  I mean, come on now!  No wonder my buddy really liked this movie.  Hmmmm.. I guess that really explains his big-ass Elton John poster on his wall and his rainbow bumper sticker…..
• James Marsden (for those of you who don’t know, he’s the guy who plays Cyclops in X-Men) was funny as hell!  He was playing as the older brother who was big time bully, kinda redneck, and drove a classic car.  It turns out the reason behind him being a big bully to his brother was to hide the fact that he’s a big-time GAY..
• If you happen to be under 18 and (obviously) going through puberty, you’ll love this movie since it shows a bunch of naked girls every 10 minutes.  Seriously though, for me – the first half hour was okay, but after that I was a little bit annoyed because these girls would just pop out of nowhere!  Like, they were at the gas station, filling up the car and all of sudden this naked girl showed up out of nowhere and walked by them.  I was like WTH?!  That was waayyy too random for me!  I mean to be honest, I don’t mind seeing movies with a lot of naked girls in them – BUT only when they show up in appropriate places, like in the bedroom, backseat of a car (in the middle of nowhere), a motel room, unattended swimming pool (at night and only lit by moonlight), beaches (ANY beaches), kitchen, the parents’ bedroom, bathroom, walk-in closet, and last but not least, under someone’s desk.
• I loooved the donut costume!  I wonder where I can get that for Halloween..

Haceem’s Movie Rating: 3 out of 5

OK honestly, I have no reason whatsoever to be so excited about Earth Day tomorrow..  I don’t recycle, I throw away trash when I’m on the road (sometimes though, not always), and I have a tendency to waste a lot of papers printing out stuff that I don’t even need.  But this doesn’t mean I’m not going to celebrate (or encourage everyone to celebrate) Earth Day tomorrow.

In fact, after doing a very thorough research and discussing this with a bunch of people, I’ve come up with a list of things that you all can do to celebrate Earth Day:

1. Don’t drive your gas-guzzler SUV around town on Earth day (OK maybe just for 1 day)
2. Live with Amish people and trade your car with one of their horses
3. Make your kids walk home from school and pick up trash along the way
4. Separate your trash and pretend like you recycle
5. Take a refreshing dump in the park
6. For those pot smokers out there, you guys can start smoking pot that was only grown outdoors
7. Stop shaving
8. Stop throwing your empty beer/soda cans out of the car window
9. Use a sharp river stone (instead of your Mom’s leg razor) to shave your legs
10. Snap a picture of a poor, defenseless polar bear, and then you will attempt to escape before it eats you alive
11. Crank up the air conditioner in your room in order to lower Earth’s temperature
12. Gaze lovingly at an endangered species
13. Use little energy as possible by taking power nap every 15 minutes
14. Take a break from being a selfish, gas-guzzling freak
15. Construct a giant ark and make a home out of it
16. Take a part for zero population growth by continuing to never get laid
17. Start to reflect on those economic times when we were recycling cardboard rather than contemplating living in them
18. Start arranging your emails from people you hate to go straight into your recycle bin folder

Remember..  Every time you fart, a polar bear dies somewhere in the north/south pole.  Happy Earth Day!!

A while ago my co-workers and I used to play Hollywood Stock Exchange (HSX.com).  Hollywood Stock Exchange is basically a game where you can buy and sell virtual shares of celebrities and movies with a currency called the Hollywood Dollar.  The process is pretty much the same as when you’re trading stocks in the stock market.  The only differences are it’s not using real money and we’re trading “virtual stocks” of celebrities and movies. HSX syndicates the data collected from the Exchange as market research to entertainment, consumer product and financial institutions and as original content to radio, television and print media.

Winners and losers were determined based on the portfolio value after the end of the season (3-month long season). The winners were basically the ones that managed to be in 40th percentile, and they get to pick the restaurant for free lunch – which would be sponsored by the losers. Also, every season we would pick one guy to be the Commissioner. His job is to make sure everyone follows the rules and the losers would pay up for free lunch for the winners at the end of the season. Luckily for me, this Season I was the Commissioner.

Anyhoo, we had just wrapped up another season of HSX and I sent out an email to all the players:

Haceem:

HSX Season III is Over..And it’s time for FREE LUNCH!!! Woohooo…! Following are the current positions on HSX:

1. iv05an H$11,075,089.15
2. themovieking H$10,480,712.14
3. Haceem H$5,585,323.29
4. Bradlby H$4,041,893.07
5. paulc79302 H$1,991,765.74
6. EsiteJohn H$1,963,188.77
7. discomoe H$1,732,865.06
8. dolemite43 H$514,382.18
9. ThePsion5 H$466,311.66

So how are we going to do this? The Bottom four get free lunch for the top four and the middle one doesn’t buy nor get free lunch? Just like we did last season? Or maybe you guys have better ideas? John John, do you think you can organize this since…uhm…You’re one of the bottom four?

We can order pizza or something. And for the top four, do you guys have any preference of what kind of pizza that you’d like to have? Pizza Hut? Papa John’s? Dominos?

paulc79302:

All you guys had to do was reset your account to beat me!

—— When you start the season, you’re given 2 million Hollywood Dollars that you use to purchase/trade the stocks. You’re also allowed to reset your account once in the season that will revert your portfolio value to 2 million. People usually do this whenever their funds are depleted because of bad investments, etc ——

discomoe:

What’s a movie?

ThePsion5:

Curse you Toy Story 3! I will not forget this treachery!

iv05an:

Top 4 I think we need to hit these guys up for more than just poorly made pizzas.

Haceem:

Heh…I agree. Unfortunately, it all depends on their budget for our free lunch. What do you think, John John? Can you talk to your bottom four boys about this? Maybe you boys can get together and cook something for us and bring it to work the next day?

themovieking:

I’d settle for escargot, foie gras, and paté – anything less and I’ll start a riot.

paulc79302:

Are vegetarians allowed to eat snails?

Haceem:

I think so…If they’re organic snails.

themovieking:

Only when they’re free

—— And we still didn’t reach the conclusion until the next day… ——

Haceem:

OK fellas,

After lengthy and exhausting discussion with some of the members in Top Four and Bottom Four as well….Finally we have reached agreements for our HSX Free Lunch:

1. Lunch will take place 12:15 tomorrow.

2. For EsiteJohn, dolemite43, ThePsion5, and discomoe – please bring $5 tomorrow. I’ll go upstairs and collect it from you guys.

3. Since paulc79302 is in the middle, he doesn’t have to participate in this. However, he’s welcome to come to HSX Free Lunch and entertain the Top Four (whether telling us some jokes, juggling bowling pins, or doing some David Blaine-street-magic thing, anything…).

4. Since iv05an wants some pineapples in his pizza, but EsiteJohn doesn’t like pineapples and wants some humus instead; and I want some onions, but Bradlby is allergic to onions; while themovieking only wants some cheese pizzas but everyone wants to have toppings on their pizzas; and iv05an can’t handle any veggies on his pizzas…Sigh….So anyways, in order to make everyone happy, I have decided to order the pizza with ground beef and onions (Heh sorry Brad..). Also, I’m getting some cheesy bread for themovieking since he only eats anything with cheese in it.

Thank you

ThePsion5:

Actually, I am horribly, deathly allergic to all ingredients on pizza with the exception of anchovies and orange juice, so if you could please order me an Anchovie-OJ pizza I would appreciate it. Just tell them to use anchovies instead of dough.

Haceem:

Guys,

How about Domino’s Pizza?

I’ve got a coupon here for 2 large 2 topping pizzas & an order of cheesy bread for $20.

EsiteJohn, discomoe, ThePsion5, and dolemite43 – it’ll only cost each of you $5 for this. We can do it either today or tomorrow, it’s up to you guys.

What about the toppings? Any suggestions? I’ll go with mushroom and ground beef.

dolemite43:

Just so you know. I would have won this thing, but HSX never allowed me to reset my account all season long. I tried like 20 times. I emailed them, but they wouldn’t allow me to reset my account.

$5 is fine for Domino’s. Tomorrow or Monday would work better for me. I vote for just cheese and their deep dish pizza if that’s still around.

themovieking:

Are you kidding me? All I get is cheesy bread? No pizza for me? Man…

Haceem:

Ah OK…

2 large pizzas with ground beef and green peppers (and cheesy bread, especially ordered for themovieking!).

dolemite43:

Erik (discomoe) told me he has an important date right after work and that onions would be best left off the pizza.

EsiteJohn:

Yeah, that’s not fair Mr. Commisioner!!! These pizza topping choices are completely ridiculous. I refuse to participate until a PROPER consensus is reached. Who’s with me?!

Viva la revolucion!

discomoe:

What’s a pizza?

iv05an:

What an Erik?

themovieking:

What’s HSX?

iv05an:

No pizza for you

Haceem:

No ‘cheese’ pizza for you..

iv05an:

I think it just easier for everyone if we just order one cheese and one ground beef, or we can go out and ya cheap skates and actually buy us lunch the right way.

themovieking:

I’m in John – fight the power. Why is it that both pizzas have to have the same toppings? Could we not have one with beef, chicken, sausage, anchovies, onions, and jalapenos and have one with just cheese?

dolemite43:

If it’s just two Pizzas… Then I think Ivan (iv05an) should pick one of them and Tavis (themovieking) the other. Since they were the top two. They should be the “deciders.”

I was all for going out to lunch when I was able to actually play the game, but now that I’m in the bottom it should be the meal that was given to me the last two times!

discomoe:

Charlie…I know you still have that “cat litter” desert from Halloween in your freezer. Bring that in and we’ll call it a day.

paulc79302:

Why don’t you guys do halves? So, one will have half ground beef and half extra cheese, and the other will have half onions and half green peppers.

Haceem:

Well the coupon says we can get 2 large with 2 toppings for 20 bucks. Unless if the Bottom Four boys don’t want to use coupon, that’s fine with me. I was just trying to help you boys.

OK let’s do halves then. One pizza will have half ground beef and half green peppers, and the other one plain cheese pizza. And we are still getting some cheesy bread (since the coupon offers it). What do you guys think?

EsiteJohn:

Haceem:

That looks good. How much is it?

EsiteJohn:

I’m not going to do your job for you. Have a little pride in your work.

Jeez…

ThePsion5:

Stroke of genius? I’ll let you decide:

4 pizza eaters / 2 pizzas = 0.5 pizzas/eater

which yields

Can’t you guys just get what you want on each pizza half? (somehow my math is going to be wrong, watch…)

paulc79302:

From this point forward, please remove me from any further replies because I do not care.

dolemite43:

From this point forward, please remove me from any further replies because I do not care.

Thanks,
Charlie

p.s. Just playin’ y’all.. Sounds good.

—— We finally ended up having 2 large pizza (from Pizza Hut; not Domino’s), one was cheese pizza and the other one was chicken supreme pizza (with lots of onions, olives, and green peppers). And no cheesy bread for themovieking. ——

In case if you read this and feel offended, I just want you to know that I’m not the one who came up with all these astrology stuff. Adam Sandler did.

Aquarius (Jan 23 – Feb 22)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23 – Mar 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 – April 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.

Taurus (April 23 – May 22)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 23 – June 22)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means your are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 – July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people’s problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 – Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nill. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23 – Jan 22)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.