Posts from — June 2009

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen….. B-

by Haceem

Sorry for all the Transformers fans out there, but I seriously thought this 2nd movie wasn’t any better than the 1st one. But I like the 1st one much better though. It had better plot as well. Although there were more Autobots in the 2nd one, but the movie was too damn long and I felt there were too many unnecessary scenes that should’ve been left on the editing floor. The only smart thing that Michael Bay did in this movie was bring back Megan Fox.

Mann.. Megan Fox is like the epitome of female HOTness. She’s like a Greek goddess when compared with normal people. She’s like a really cool sports car that everyone would love to get their hands on and have a ride with. She is 15 out of 10. A summer without Megan Fox is like a summer without sunshine. When Jessica Alba is like Taco Bell, Megan Fox is like Popeye’s crispy fried chicken (with the biscuits as well). She’s like the black Amex with zero balance.. OK I think you should understand my fascination with Megan Fox by now.

Back to Transformers. Here’s what I think about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen:

Mudflap and Skids were so effin annoying. I mean, seriously, where the hell did they come from? From South LA? Southeast DC? And the way they talk really annoys the hell out of me. And why did the have a gold front tooth? What are they, ‘Black Autobots’?
I couldn’t even tell which one is which in the fighting scenes. Everything moves so damn fast. All I saw was just a bunch of metals going at it and bump into each other, couldn’t even tell which one is the kneecap and which one is the head. It’s like kling, klang, kling, klang.. Then the fight is over.
What’s up with the motorcyle robots?? For some odd reason they have female voice. So if Mudflap and Skids are black Autobots, these ones are female robots? Shouldn’t all Autobots be cars and trucks? Not motorcycles? I mean, that’s why they’re called AUTObots in the first place, right? *Sigh*
The movie was too damn long! The first hour and forty five minutes are okay. But then it just felt like the movie was dragging and never picked up the pace. There were too many unecessary scenes (which I will get to them in my next bullet points) and it’s like Michael Bay didn’t even edit anything out. He had probably thought every scene that he shot was extremely important and decided to keep everything in the movie.
The scene where the kitchen appliances turning into robots was sooooo unnecessary! I wasn’t really too excited watching Shia LaBeouf running around the house, being after by a blender-turned-into-robot Decepticon while spitting fire at him at the same time. WTH?!
I know McG stole one of the Autobots and put it in his Terminator Salvation movie (remember the big-ass Terminator which is as tall as the Liberty Statue and picking up humans like King Kong), so Bay decided to put a female Terminator as the hot girl on campus and her mission is to hook up with Shia LaBeouf?! WTF! Why on Earth did he decide to put a female Terminator-lookin’ robot in a Transformers movie?! Isn’t a Transformers movie supposed to be all Transformers, Autobots, and Decepticons? I didn’t even know it was a robot until a huge robotic tail coming out of her blue thin panties when she was in bed with Shia. I was like, WHOA! What the fu*k is that?! A FEMALE TERMINATOR?!?!
Michael Bay didn’t even let the Audi Decepticon transform! I was so excited when seeing the new Audi R8 in the movie, but before it had a chance to transform, some Autobot jumped over it and split it in half with its super shiny Transformer sword… Pfffttt come on Bay, you could’ve at least given it a chance to transform before you let them kill it!
A robot with a cane?! Come ooon, Bay. The robot was so old, so it was hiding in the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. When it was revived (with the magic Transformer stone – which I don’t even know what it’s called), it transformed into a robot with a freakin WALKING CANE?! I think the robot had metal lookin’ beard as well…..

OK I think this should be enough for tonight. I could go on and on talking about this movie, but I think those points above should make you think twice about whether to see it in the theatre or wait until it comes out in DVD. I honestly was going to give it a C, but then I thought about Megan Fox and how lovely she looked in the movie (SO HOT!), so I decided to give it a B-.

Haceem’s Movie Rating: 3 out of 5

June 28, 2009 1 Comment

Goodbye, Michael……..

by Haceem

My condolences and best wishes to the Jackson family at this very difficult time. I’ll be wearing my black Banana Republic socks for the whole week to express my condolences for the King of Pop. May your soul rest in peace.

I’m still hoping the government will announce June 25th as the national holiday.

June 26, 2009 No Comments

Indian and Chinese Kung Fu Movie Characteristics (not in English)

by Haceem

I got this in my inbox a while ago and decided to post it on my blog. This is pretty hilarious considering some of them are really true. I was gonna translate them to English, but then I thought it would sound funnier if I kept this in Indonesian.

INDIAN MOVIES

Seorang pria tidak akan merasa sakit saat melakukan perkelahian sengit namun akan mengaduh sakit saat seorang wanita berusaha membersihkan lukanya.
Tokoh jagoannya tak pernah jatuh cinta pada jagoan wanita kecuali sebelumnya mereka menari-nari di bawah hujan.
Sekali dipakai make-upnya tidak pernah luntur, saat hujan ataupun saat lainnya.
Dua orang kekasih bisa menari-nari ditengah lapang, dan entah dari mana 100 orang lainnya akan muncul dari antah berantah dan bergabung menari bersama mereka.
Pada babak akhir, sang jagoan akan menemukan bahwa tokoh jahat yang dilawannya sebenarnya adalah saudara kandungnya, wanita tua yang mencarinya adalah ibunya, dan kepala Inspektur adalah ayahnya serta sang hakim adalah pamannya dan seterusnya.
Kata-kata Inggris yang biasanya muncul adalah (biasanya diucapkan keras2 di antara kalimat) No Problem!, My God!, Get Out!, Shut-up!, Impossible!, Please forgive me!
Mereka berguling-guling dan berputar-putar sambil bernyanyi dan muncul lagi dengan pakaian berbeda.
Mereka bisa berlari mengelilingi pohon kelapa, bernyanyi, saling memandang dan memalingkan muka menggoda dan berganti pakaian pada waktu yang sama tanpa menarik nafas…
Jagoan gak boleh liat pohon dan tiang listrik, pasti joget dulu muter2 dan tiba-tiba wanitanya muncul, gak heran film India minimal pasti 3 jam Bisa lebih gak rugi sih.
Airmata sang jagoan dan si wanita gampang mengucur bak keran air, tapi cepat juga kering dan langsung joget.

CHINESE KUNG FU MOVIES

Menjadi orangtua sang jagoan selalu bernasib sial dan biasanya selalu dibunuh oleh musuh saat si jagoan masih muda, dan si jagoan akan jadi yatim piatu terus belajar ilmu silat dan balas dendam, etc.
Ketika seseorang terluka berat dan sekarat, ia selalu berhasil bertahan hidup dan mengucapkan beberapa kalimat untuk mengungkapkan si pembunuh sebelum kepalanya terkulai dan menyatakan dirinya telah benar-benar mati.
Orang-orang yang mahir kungfu mampu terbang ke atas atap, ke atas pohon dan menempuh jarak jauh tanpa berkeringat. Namun saat berjalan ke kota dan desa-desa mereka tetap harus berjalan kaki atau menunggang kuda.
Sang jagoan tak perlu bekerja untuk mendapatkan uang, namun selalu memiliki uang emas dan perak untuk membayar makanan mereka (minta jatah preman kali yee).
Sang jagoan dan sang penjahat akan saling bertemu walaupun negara mereka sangat luas dan tak peduli di manapun mereka berada (padahal belon ada cellular).
Menyembuhkan luka dalam di tubuh cukup dengan duduk bersilang kaki, telapak tangan di lutut dan asap keluar dari kepala.
Mereka bisa menyimpan banyak barang di baju lengan panjang mereka dan tak pernah menjatuhkannya. Terutama sedemikian banyak logam-logam emas dan botol-botol obat penyembuh berbagai racun.
Jagoan pasti jago minum arak, apalagi sedang kesel/marah, sekali minum bisa berdrum2 (5-10 drum) kayak Jacky Chan di Drunken Master.
Sebelum mati, sang guru bisa mentransfer tenaga dalam ke muridnya hanya dengan menempelkan telapak tangan ke pundak si murid begitu gampang dan cepat bahkan mengalahkan kecepatan USB cable, infra red dan bluetooth jaman sekarang.
Hebatnya kalo wanita mengenakan kostum pria, dan suaranya suara wanita, namun orang-orang bahkan pendekar pria tidak sadar bahwa itu seorang wanita, harus melalui proses tak sengaja, seperti menyentuh dada si wanita baru pendekarnya sadar.

June 24, 2009 2 Comments

Fox vs. Jolie

by Haceem

First of all, don’t get me wrong, OK. I love Angelina Jolie as much as I love Megan Fox. I’ve had a huge crush on Angelina ever since I saw her in GIA. She’ll always be the top 5 hottest women on Earth in my book. She’s one whole package, just like McDonald’s Big Breakfast Platter. However, recently (well not really that recent; more like a couple of years ago) I developed a huge crush on Megan Fox. She is the epitome of female HOTness. She’s like.. I’d say, 15 out of 10. I honestly think she isn’t just photogenic or cameragenic. She probably looks hot as well off camera. Her flatulence probably smells like flowers and her sweat tastes like cinnamon.

So recently Cracked.com did a comparison chart between Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox which I thought was pretty hillarious. They said Megan Fox was the poor’s man version of Angelina Jolie. They even said there’s no reason for Megan Fox to freak out when the media started comparing her with Angelina Jolie because it is like a five-Dollar box of wine freaking out because someone is trying to store it in a wine cellar (ouch!).