Category — All About Movies

I saw this chart on Cracked.com and being as a huge fan of Steven Seagal, I felt like I needed to share this with you guys.  I’ve been watching Steven Seagal’s movies since I was probably 10.  Starting from his major epics (Above the Law, On a Deadly Ground, Out For Justice, etc) all the way to his straight-to-DVD Blockbusters (Mercenary For Justice, Kill Switch, etc).  Yes, it’s true – he never dies in his movies.  Even though he’s been shot at multiple times and beaten to almost-near death, somehow he would still manage to come out of it alive and end up killing everyone.  Actually, let me take it back..  I think he did die once, in Executive Decisions (with Kurt Russel and John Leguizamo).  He was only a guest-star, thus only spent total 10 minutes in the movie.  Rumor said he wasn’t aware that he was supposed to die in the movie, he got so upset he wouldn’t leave his trailer hahahha..  It took the producers hours to convince him that he WAS supposed to die in the movie because that’s what it SAID in the script.  I believe he asked for the script to be rewritten,but they said it was IMPOSSIBLE for the script to be rewritten because it would change the entire plot..  Hahahahhaa..  Poor Steven.  He’s just so not used to being dead in his movies.

Anyways, this image below shows you how (supposedly) Steven Seagal makes a movie.  Enjoy it!  Click on the image to view the larger version.

This is so effin’ stupid..  HAHAHAHA…  Avatar role playing??  HAHAHAHA..  That black dude looks so freakin’ ridiculous painted blue and still has his afro.

What the hell is that white thingy they’re using to re-create the Tree of Life?  Wait..  Is that toilet paper??

Look, I have nothing against Matthew McConaughey.  I really enjoy watching most of his movies (not all of them though since 50% of them are chick flicks), and I honestly think he’s a decent actor – but not really a great actor because he always seems to play himself in all his movies.

So someone in Hollywood (rumor says it’s one of the executives for a major motion picture studio) has contacted Cracked.com and sent them a list of future movies of Matthew McConaughey’s that are going to be released in the next couple of years.   Yup, apparently McConaughey is considered one of the busiest movie stars in Hollywood (right behind Nicholas Cage) – busy making crap after crap after crap, and I’m sure there are people out there who would be thrilled knowing that during this recession time McConaughey still continues making his epics to keep us all entertained.

This one is just plain wrong:

After reading all the reviews and hearing all the talk about I Love You, Man, I’ve finally decided to get it from Netflix.

The movie started slow and the first few minutes I wasn’t really convinced the movie was gonna live up to its hype; however, next thing I knew I couldn’t take my eyes off of the TV screen and was laughing my ass off every minute. I honestly thought there were some parts of the movie that were kinda close to reality, and there were also some stuff that guys actually say in real life. Check out some of these memorable quotes below:

Sydney Fife: [Nonchalantly] This is where I jerk-off.

Sydney Fife: This is the man cave, there’s no women allowed in here. I got a jerk-off station for God’s sake.

Sydney Fife: Peter, I am a man. I have an ocean of testosterone flowing through my veins.

Peter Klaven: She was very nice looking.
Sydney Fife: Yeah… I fucked her.

Peter Klaven: Do you need a plastic bag, or…
Sydney Fife: Oh no. I don’t clean up after my dog.

Peter Klaven: So what do I do? How do I make friends?
Robbie Klaven: If you see a cool looking guy, strike up a conversation and ask him on a man date.
Peter Klaven: OK.

Peter Klaven: I need to get some fucking friends.

Basically the movie is about the journey of one guy – named Peter Klaven – trying to find a “guy friend/buddy/best friend.” Peter has always been known as the girlfriend-type of guy (which means he’s 24/7 committed to his girlfriend; thus, doesn’t have any guy friends). He is so desperate to find a best friend, he is willing to do whatever it takes to get one – even allowing his mom to set him up with some random guy for a “man date.”

The movie clearly explores marriage, male bonding (a.k.a bromance), and the importance of friends. It is very heart-warming and I definitely recommend it to you all the boys to watch it. By the way, when I said “bromance,” I definitely wasn’t implying anything homosexual. If you don’t know what bromance is, there are a few terms that might help you understand it a little better:

1. A non-sexual, healthy yet complicated love and affection shared by two straight guys
2. A close relationship between two straight guys to the point where they look like a couple
3. The intense love shared between heterosexual males; it’s usually male bonding and invisible to the naked eye (this bond is normally only shared between two males that have a deeper understanding of each other, in a way no woman could ever realize) — Thanks to Urban Dictionary for this description which I think is very accurate
4. Man crush (but with no sex involved)

After understanding this “bromance” concept, I’ve finally come to the realization that there has been a lot of bromance going on amongst my buddies – which I hadn’t really noticed before. In fact, I once have had some bromance moment with one of my best friends as well. So without further ado, I’d like to mention a few people here whom I think are really embracing bromance and are even willing to kick it up a notch:

• Multi Nasution and Rizky Arbali
  They were the epitome of bromance. I think they were the first bromance that I had ever witnessed before. They were roommates in college, they would cook together, go shopping together (even go to the same stores), share closet space, hang out on weekends, dress alike, etc. I mean they both were straight like an arrow, but damn.. They definitely took bromance to the next level.
  Bromance Level: Pretty high.. Higher than the Statue of Liberty

• Ping Aje and Hendra DJ
  They don’t dress alike, they don’t look alike, and they certainly don’t smell alike, but they’re inseparable like the siamese twins. In fact, one time I played poker with them and when Hendra lost his chips, Ping would kindly take half of his own stack and share it with Hendra. I mean whoaa.. That is definitely some serious bromance.
  Bromance Level: Somewhat high.. Can be higher on Poker night

• Ricky Posumah and Joshua (a.k.a. Enno)
  Even though everyone knows there’s some serious bromance tension between them, but both of them wouldn’t admit it. Well I think Joshua would. They both grew up in the same area back home (Surabaya – the capital of East Java), so obviously they speak Javanese pretty fluently. Sometimes when they speak Javanese to each other, none of us would understand all the things that come out of their mouth. It’s like they’re speaking greek. They go clubbing together, hang out every weekend, go culinary trip around Washington, DC together, etc and they always watch each other’s back. There’s definitely some bromance between them whether they want to admit it or not.
  Bromance Level: Sometimes high, sometimes low.. Depending on Ricky’s mood swing

• Myself and Reza Kadir
  Hahaha as I said before, I once experienced some bromance when I went home (to Jakarta) a while ago. I’d like to call it a bond of mutual respect towards each other and a deep understanding of each of our essential manliness. It was bromance with style.
  Bromance Level: High, but not too high, but can be higher after 2-3 drinks

• Melvin Andrew and Remy Hendra
  Ahh these two guys.. They’re like a fork and a knife, a pencil and an eraser, a piece of paper and a paper clip, a deck of card and poker chips, a BlackBerry and the BlackBerry Messenger, Thomson and Thompson, etc.. They always stick together no matter what. Aside from them being real siblings (Melvin is the older one), they really embrace bromance and take the brotherly love to the highest degree.
  Bromance Level: Like an ocean tide.. Low during the day, high at night
  

• Myself, Yala Mahendra, Farid Tirtosudiro, and Agung Adhitama
  Years ago we took a bromance trip to Bandung, stayed at Yala’s humble abode, and ended up watching lots of uhm “the birds and the bees” educational videos (thanks to Vivid Production for making all those epics, we truly learned a lot). It was definitely a bromance trip to remember.. Good times, boys. I’d probably put you guys in my will.
  Bromance Level: Kinda low but still strong.. Like the Incredible Hulk strong

• Fajar Simamora and Peter Pangaribuan
  Back in grad school, they had love and hate relationship. They would constantly tease each other and sometimes they could be very mean towards each other, too. However, I believed they did that out of love and respect. I sensed their bromance level was getting higher and higher every time they met. Although they never showed it in public, but behind closed doors, I’d imagine Fajar pat Pete’s back and said “Come on brotha.. You can do it. You can definitely tackle this exam tomorrow. I believe in you.”
  Bromance Level: All time high only when behind closed doors

• Adyatama and Melvin Andrew
  Melvin had his own key to Ady’s apartment. Enough said.
  Bromance Level: It was reaaaaallll high.. But got lowered after Ady moved back to Indo and got married

Haceem’s Movie Rating: 5 out of 5

Sorry for all the Transformers fans out there, but I seriously thought this 2nd movie wasn’t any better than the 1st one.  But I like the 1st one much better though.  It had better plot as well.  Although there were more Autobots in the 2nd one, but the movie was too damn long and I felt there were too many unnecessary scenes that should’ve been left on the editing floor.  The only smart thing that Michael Bay did in this movie was bring back Megan Fox.

Mann.. Megan Fox is like the epitome of female HOTness.  She’s like a Greek goddess when compared with normal people.  She’s like a really cool sports car that everyone would love to get their hands on and have a ride with.  She is 15 out of 10.  A summer without Megan Fox is like a summer without sunshine.  When Jessica Alba is like Taco Bell, Megan Fox is like Popeye’s crispy fried chicken (with the biscuits as well).  She’s like the black Amex with zero balance.. OK I think you should understand my fascination with Megan Fox by now.

Back to Transformers.  Here’s what I think about Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen:

1. Mudflap and Skids were so effin annoying.  I mean, seriously, where the hell did they come from?  From South LA?  Southeast DC?  And the way they talk really annoys the hell out of me.  And why did the have a gold front tooth?  What are they, ‘Black Autobots’?
2. I couldn’t even tell which one is which in the fighting scenes.  Everything moves so damn fast.  All I saw was just a bunch of metals going at it and bump into each other, couldn’t even tell which one is the kneecap and which one is the head.  It’s like kling, klang, kling, klang.. Then the fight is over.
3. What’s up with the motorcyle robots??  For some odd reason they have female voice.  So if Mudflap and Skids are black Autobots, these ones are female robots?  Shouldn’t all Autobots be cars and trucks?  Not motorcycles?  I mean, that’s why they’re called AUTObots in the first place, right? *Sigh*
4. The movie was too damn long!  The first hour and forty five minutes are okay.  But then it just felt like the movie was dragging and never picked up the pace.  There were too many unecessary scenes (which I will get to them in my next bullet points) and it’s like Michael Bay didn’t even edit anything out.  He had probably thought every scene that he shot was extremely important and decided to keep everything in the movie.
5. The scene where the kitchen appliances turning into robots was sooooo unnecessary!  I wasn’t really too excited watching Shia LaBeouf running around the house, being after by a blender-turned-into-robot Decepticon while spitting fire at him at the same time.  WTH?!
6. I know McG stole one of the Autobots and put it in his Terminator Salvation movie (remember the big-ass Terminator which is as tall as the Liberty Statue and picking up humans like King Kong), so Bay decided to put a female Terminator as the hot girl on campus and her mission is to hook up with Shia LaBeouf?!  WTF!  Why on Earth did he decide to put a female Terminator-lookin’ robot in a Transformers movie?!  Isn’t a Transformers movie supposed to be all Transformers, Autobots, and Decepticons?  I didn’t even know it was a robot until a huge robotic tail coming out of her blue thin panties when she was in bed with Shia.  I was like, WHOA! What the fu*k is that?!  A FEMALE TERMINATOR?!?!
7. Michael Bay didn’t even let the Audi Decepticon transform!  I was so excited when seeing the new Audi R8 in the movie, but before it had a chance to transform, some Autobot jumped over it and split it in half with its super shiny Transformer sword… Pfffttt come on Bay, you could’ve at least given it a chance to transform before you let them kill it!
8. A robot with a cane?!  Come ooon, Bay.  The robot was so old, so it was hiding in the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum.  When it was revived (with the magic Transformer stone – which I don’t even know what it’s called), it transformed into a robot with a freakin WALKING CANE?!  I think the robot had metal lookin’ beard as well…..

OK I think this should be enough for tonight.  I could go on and on talking about this movie, but I think those points above should make you think twice about whether to see it in the theatre or wait until it comes out in DVD.  I honestly was going to give it a C, but then I thought about Megan Fox and how lovely she looked in the movie (SO HOT!), so I decided to give it a B-.

Haceem’s Movie Rating: 3 out of 5

I was going to give it a C, but since I like Christian Bale, I’d give it a C+.  The movie was so so, could’ve been better though.  I think they revealed too much on the trailer so when I walked into the theater, I already knew 1/3rd of the storyline and how Marcus didn’t know he was revived only to find out he was a cyborg (if they hadn’t shown this part on the trailer, this could’ve been the movie twist).

But I have to admit, I loved the action scenes, especially the scene where the terminator motorcycles were going after them, I thought it was pretty cool.  Honestly, I was hoping to see the apocalyptic war between humans and the terminators; However, McG decided to skip the hell out of it and moved on to the next part where they had to find Kyle Reese and saved him… Pfffttttttt booooooorringggg!

Definitely a C+.

One more thing, that huge freakin robot (you might have seen it on the trailer) really reminded me of one of the autobots from the Transformers.  I wonder if Michael Bay was upset thinking McG had stolen his robots.

Haceem’s Movie Rating: 3 out of 5