Category — Silly Work-Related Stuff

I have to admit, I find this really amusing. This guy has apparently hold grudges against some of his female co-workers for a quite long time. Instead of confessing it to his friends, he chose Craigslist instead…Hahahaa..

Here’s the link if you want to see what his posting: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/233015033.html. However, in case if his posting gets taken down or expires, I decided to copy the entire posting and paste it on my blog. Enjoy it!

To the women who work in my office… I hate you

Girl with the bright blonde weave who works in reception- I don’t know how you got your job, you are so uneducated it makes me sick. Did you graduate grammar school? I think I would respect you more if the answer to that is no. I want to throw a rock at your face every time I walk by when you are answering the phone and you say something like “who you callin’ for?” or “he in a meetin’ right now” or my personal favorite, “who this is?” I bet the people on the other end of the phone want to throw a rock at your face too. I also can’t stand when I get message notes from you that are written like so: Mr. Smith called hes wanting to kno wen he shuld ecspect the letter of aprovle. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It amazes me that the only two things in your job description are answering phones and taking phone messages and you can’t do either of those things!

Tall girl in design with the short brown hair- You have horrendous body odor! I’m not talking a little stench here and there I am talking everyday when you walk into the building people drop dead. I don’t know how you don’t notice it. I’m going to buy you deodorant for Christmas.

Fat woman who works in suite 19- I don’t know exactly what you do for this company, but I know far too much about your personal life. When you talk to your boyfriend on company time, please refrain from telling him it felt so good when he slipped his hard dick into your fat ass! Yea I heard that, and so does everyone else that walks by your suite when you are on the phone. It’s disgusting, and we don’t want to hear about it, so keep your voice down.

Blonde woman who works for accounting- I know that you are 30, not 25 and I also know that at the Christmas party last year you had sex with the bosses son in the broom closet and that he got you pregnant. Please don’t insult me in front of our coworkers again or I will tell everyone.

Hot girl that works in sales- When you wear that brown skirt with the white flower on the bottom and you sit down, we can all see that you don’t wear panties.

Boss’ old receptionist- My name is not, John, Jason, Jack, Jim or Jared… it’s Evan.

Middle age woman who works in reception- Your job is not that hard. You answer phones, put people on hold, and take messages. I don’t care that you were up late cleaning the house or that you sat up all night waiting for you delinquent son to get home, that does not give you a reason to get rude with a customer or walk around bitching about how your job is so stressful. Half of us come in still drunk from the night before, but we never yell at clients, bitch about our family members or say our jobs are soooo hard.

Pregnant bitch- There is only one of you, so no need for further description but let it be known that you are not the first person to ever get knocked up! You are not the first person to get heart burn, you are not the first person to get morning sickness. You are not the first person to pee their pants because the baby put too much pressure on your bladder and you certainly are not the first person who has had strange cravings for cheese and anchovies. Stop complaining about it!

Little intern girl- You are so cute with your stringy brown hair, acne and braces but your coffee skills are lacking. All I ever want is a large black coffee but you seem to thing that I would rather a low-fat latte, or a caramel machiato, or even a Chai Tea. Nope I don’t want those, I just want a damn black coffee! Also, you obviously don’t know your alphabet because my filing cabinet is a mess. F does not come after R, sweetie. Do you want to flunk the class you are doing this internship for? No? You better shape your ass up and get me the right coffee then!

Pretty girl who is head of the writing department- You are the only girl who works in this office that I can stand. You greet me every morning with a bright smile and a cheery hello. And you are so damn smart. No wonder you are 22 and head of the department that could pretty much make or break our company. One time I asked you the Circumference of the earth and you kew it! Usually I would think that is weird and dork but from you, I find it really hot. I also like that you are the only girl in the company that hasn’t slept with someone that works with us. But for the record, if you slept with me, I wouldn’t respect you any less.

Hispanic girl who works in design- You wear way too much makeup, I hate that you draw your eyebrows on, and I’m pretty sure you have an adams apple and are a man.

35 year old secretary- You have a 20 year old son, and a 15 year old son… yet you dress like you are 16. I would be embarrassed to be your children. Oh and you look really stupid when you wear that plaid school-girl skirt with the white tights and hooker boots. This is an office… not a brothel.

This morning my friend emailed me about the recent event that just took place at his workplace. I seriously couldn’t stop laughing after reading his email.. It was just too funny and sad at the same time. So I decided to post it here (and yes, I took out all the references to him, his company, and all that crap). So here it is…

So, remember that pot-smoking temp who last month approached me and said, “Are you the computer dude? Dude, my computer’s broke.”

Well, about an hour and a half ago i get an urgent call from my network security consultant. He is freaking and – since he is normally cooler than the other side of the pillow – when he freaks, there is cause for concern.

It seems a computer on our network with a certain IP address has been camping at myspace.com, become infected with a nasty trojan through a backdoor, and all keystrokes on that machine are being recorded and transmitted… And that machine accesses an important database. After feverishly hunting through the network, i discover and unplug her machine; trojan horse network traffic immediately goes dead.

As i start to run the virus scan on her machine, she returns from lunch. I inform her that her machine is compromising security and that i have pulled it from the network. She looks at me then and says, “So does that mean i can’t access hotmail?”

When you work 5 days a week, 9AM to 6PM, you need something to keep yourself motivated, productive, and of course, like they say, to keep the creative juices flowing. I have found these – what I like to call “motivational posters” – which you can hang on your cubicle wall or maybe use as your desktop wallpaper.

WARNING: I will not be held fully responsible if you get fired because you are using these posters as your self motivation technique at work.