Category — Straight From Hollywood

Seriously… WTH?  Did they honestly think people would watch this crap?  And why would someone transplanted some 60-year-old white guy’s head in a black man’s body?  WHY?

This doesn’t even look like two heads attached to one body.  It looks more like a black guy giving an old white guy a piggy back ride.  This is just way too bizarre.

Click on the picture to view the larger version.

My condolences and best wishes to the Jackson family at this very difficult time.  I’ll be wearing my black Banana Republic socks for the whole week to express my condolences for the King of Pop.  May your soul rest in peace.

I’m still hoping the government will announce June 25th as the national holiday.

First of all, don’t get me wrong, OK.  I love Angelina Jolie as much as I love Megan Fox.  I’ve had a huge crush on Angelina ever since I saw her in GIA.  She’ll always be the top 5 hottest women on Earth in my book.  She’s one whole package, just like McDonald’s Big Breakfast Platter.  However, recently (well not really that recent; more like a couple of years ago) I developed a huge crush on Megan Fox.  She is the epitome of female HOTness.  She’s like.. I’d say, 15 out of 10.  I honestly think she isn’t just photogenic or cameragenic.  She probably looks hot as well off camera.  Her flatulence probably smells like flowers and her sweat tastes like cinnamon.

So recently Cracked.com did a comparison chart between Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox which I thought was pretty hillarious.  They said Megan Fox was the poor’s man version of Angelina Jolie.  They even said there’s no reason for Megan Fox to freak out when the media started comparing her with Angelina Jolie because it is like a five-Dollar box of wine freaking out because someone is trying to store it in a wine cellar (ouch!).

I’ve seen a lot of horror movies in my life, the good ones and lots of bad ones.  The more I watch them, the more I notice there’s a pattern in which a character tends to follow/do in the movie which usually results in his/her head gets chopped off by a machete or his body split into two and his guts spilled everywhere on the floor (I’m actually having lunch right now as I’m writing this).

Anyways, I found this list on moviefill Website and added a few more things to the list.  It’s a list of Situations you need to avoid when you’re starring in a horror movie:

1.  SEX

When you’re in the middle of it, stop.  When you’re about to have it, stop.  Even if you two are in the middle of nowhere, fooling around in the backseat and thinking nobody sees you two, seriously.. Just get the hell out of there.  Chances are the more skin you show, higher chances of you dying.  Most of the times nudity is right before the axe comes.

2.  STAIRS

Keep yourself away from the staircase.  Don’t go up the stairs, don’t go down the stairs.  Don’t even stand on them.  Whenever you see the stairs, don’t even go near them!

3.  ATTICS

Attics are definitely off limits, unless if you’re a vampire or zombie.  Whenever you hear a sound coming from the attic, do not – I repeat – do not investigate or even try to find out what it is.  Chances are it could be a group of zombies trying to get into the house through a little tiny window in the attic, or a vampire getting ready for his midnight supper.  If you still insist in going to the attic, do yourself a favor: grab a butcher knife or your dad’s shotgun which is usually kept inside the glass closet in his study room, then call up all your college buddies (preferably the ones on the football team) and tell them to equip themselves with anything they can use as a weapon, have them come over to accompany you to the attic.

4.  BASEMENTS

Basements are also off limits.  I don’t care how well you lock the door, but chances are the psycho is gonna come down holding an axe and start ramming the door with it.  Trust me, do not go down to the basement.

5.  BATHROOMS

If you need to go to the bathroom really bad, please check the shower stall and bath tub first.  If it happens to be a really big fancy bathroom, make sure you check behind the bathroom door as well.  Equip yourself with a .44 Magnum while at it.

6.  ANY ROOMS IN THE HOUSE (IN GENERAL)

Upon entering a room, make sure to take a quick peek under the bed, behind the curtain, behind the door, and also the closet (if there happens to be one).  By doing this, you can spot a maniac/psycho hiding there, and when you see him, do not freeze and scream.  Make sure you start running towards the door while screaming at the same time.  Don’t forget to check the windows as well.  If for some reason you find the windows ajar, this means the psycho is already inside the room.  When this happens, grab anything around you that you can use as a weapon (big pillows don’t count) and run towards the door.

7.  CLOSETS

Closets are about 50/50.  Sometimes you can be lucky hiding inside the closet.  Other times, the psycho can hear you breathing and start shooting at the closet.  But hiding inside the closet is still a better option than the bathroom, the basement, and the attic.

8.  WOODS

Your buddy asked you to accompany him into the woods trying to investigate the missing girl.. Pffttttt.. Forget about it.  Your buddy is about to die.  Tell him you’re suffering from food poisoning and need to stay home.

9.  WEIRD NOISES

Whenever you hear weird noises coming out of the bedroom or bathroom or whatever, just get the hell out of the house.  Trust me.  Do not even try to find out what it is.  Chances are whatever the source is, it is going to kill you.  Just get out.

10.  LIGHTS

If the lights are out, don’t even try to look for the circuit breaker.  Look for the door instead.  Try to find anything around you that you can use as a weapon.  Again, big pillows don’t count.

11.  CANDLES

If you light a candle and illuminate the entire room, you’re safe.  But if light a candle and you can’t see your own two feet, that means you’re fu**ed because you’re in a horror movie and you’re about to die.  Blow the candle and proceed to the nearest exit.  Better yet, go out through the nearest window quietly and run as fast as you can.  But if you’re on the 2nd floor, well God will be your only friend at that moment.

12.  SPLITTING UP

Under any circumstances splitting up is not allowed.  Do not split up to find your missing friend.  Do not split up to find the source of the crying.  Do not split up to look for your friend who fell behind.  Do not split up to find the water.  Do not split up to find a way out.  Do not split up to look for a pay phone.

13.  ANIMALS

If an animal refuses to go into a house, room, car, boat, etc.. Consider it foreshadowing.  They might know/hear/smell/feel something that you don’t.

14.  CHILDREN TOYS

If you meet a girl and finds out she keeps porcelain dolls, clown masks, or any other stuff she got when she was young, she’s not worth it.  Chances are she’ll end up breaking your heart… And possibly your head.  Or she’ll leave you half-dead and eat you alive.

15.  DEAD BAD GUYS

If you think you have killed the bad guy, step away and do some quick math.  If the number of times you have tried to knock him down less than the square root of the number of people he’s killed, hit him again.  If you don’t see any blood coming out of the head wound, hit him.  If you think you’ve shot him in his heart, shoot him again in the head.  If there happens to be an axe nearby and his head is still attached to the body, grab the axe and decapitate him.  Under no circumstances you should be within reach of his arm and leg.  Do not stop and make a phone call to the police or your friends.  Do not even turn around.  In fact, grab a machete (if you happen to have one) and stab him in the stomach.  If, for some odd reason, he’s still alive after you’ve done all those things above, congratulations – that means you’re fighting against the undead and he’s probably Dracula.  That’s why it’s very important to set him on fire afterwards and let him burn to ashes.

16.  MEDICINE CABINET

Do not open a medicine cabinet.  As soon as you close it, the killer will be right behind you.

17.  MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY

If you are being chased by some psycho in a car avoid running down the middle of the highway where they can easily catch up to you, try a steep incline, hop over a rock wall, pretty much anywhere a car can’t go is better than the middle of the highway.  If you need to escape by car, check the backseat and trunk.  If you see a blanket in the backseat that wasn’t there before, get the hell out of the car.  If your car is a piece of shit made in the 80s, don’t even bother because you know it won’t start.

18.  WALKING BACKWARDS

Do not walk backwards!  Especially in the dark room or dark area.  You’ll always be right back into the psycho/zombie/vampire/a crazy guy with a chainsaw.

I came accross these movie posters when I was browsing yesterday.. Some of them look pretty hillarious!